Here’s a 101 guide to… walking.

What prompted me write this post is, I’ve encountered too many pedestrians who are just dumbass fool.

I can’t understand one thing: why the hell you need to swing your hands so damn far and high when you walk ar?  This I encounter most with girls and all the aunties and all the ah lians.  I just don’t understand why you have to swing your hand like some sotong being caught by fisherman, in fact, such sotongs do not flap and flip their tentacles that way.  You basically take up more space and gonna hit guys on their guts, kids on their eyes, and grandmas on their sagging breasts.

Then of couse, there are those who do not look in front.  You should know this every basic construction of yourselves: your eyes are place in the front, so that you look in front.  You don’t have predators, thus your eyes are not by the side of your head.  You should look in front, and not down, and not at your handphone as you sms, or while you reading newspaper, or keep on looking to your side as you drool over that gorgeous/ handsome/ sexy/ weird/ funny/ person at your side, or your friend, or whoever.  You should look in front.  When you look to your side, you apparently cannot see in front, even though your penumbra vision should be working.  But no lor… I don’t know why lor.  Apparently, you are retarded.

Then there are those groups of ppl, who like to occupy the whole walkway.  You all should be blinded, and thus can hold on to each others’ tails and walk in a line instead.  Know this, the world’s gonna get more crowded and thus, space gonna get smaller.  Walkway should serve two ways, so u group of ppl, don’t make it a one-way only walkway.  I don’t care for one, if I encounter a on-coming group who’s occupying the whole walkway, I’m just gonna butthead into you people.  This is especially for couples.  They just love to hold hands and what the fucking shit, you both just love to walk thousands of miles apart each other.  I’ve many times decided to walk right in between you two, and knock into your locktight hands.  Mind you, it hurts me okay, but the same time, I hope it hurts your hands as well.

Then, there’s those idiot who likes to walk slowly, and doesn’t allow others to overtake you.  What the hell!??!  It’s like driving, if you gonna drive slow, be on the slow lane.  But no, this kind of ppl would occupy not just the fast lane, but in between the fast and slow lane, thus blocking everyone.  I think we should come up with some kind of invention that’s similar to the carhorn,  maybe call it ‘people horn’.

What’s worse, there’s this group of people who like- of all things- stop suddenly while walking.  Assholes.  This people will be walking and walking and then suddenly stop.  Most of this group of people are surely talking on the phone.  This is equivalent to people who brakes suddenly while driving.  You are asking for trouble okay?!?!

So know this, I’m going to be rude to all you rude walkers.  If you gonna be funny and try to occupy the whole walkway unnecessarily, I’m not gonna move aside.  If you are walking with your vision somewhere else but in front, i’m gonna bump into you, and in fact, you have to say you are sorry whne that happens.  And If you gonna flap your arms, I’m gonna hold up a concrete piece and place it strategically as I walk pass you or ‘overtake’ you for you to hit it.  I don’t care if you went ‘ouch’ or you break a nail or two, I’m not sorry.

So people, please learn to walk, for I’m not someone who likes to inflict pain on others.