Why am I here (ii)

I’m watching CSI now.  It’s the last episode of dunno-which-season.  It’s directed by the-all-famous Tarantino.

It’s an exciting episode, to-say-the-least…

As I watch, i wonder again, why am I here.  As I watch Nick trapped inside a glass coffin, I felt his pain, as he felt the fear in the enclosed space, as he get glared by the lights, as he get bitten by ants, being ‘eaten’ alive, as he waits…

I am waiting as well… for someone, something, to save me.  Currently, the rest of the CSI team are looking for loose soil, as they locate me…  I wonder if it be on time, if I’m still alive when I’m found.

I want to be alive when I’m found, but the red ants are biting, injecting their venom into me, killing me softly…

The alcohol’s doing me a favour, and the smoking too, but they are also killing me slowly, and softly.  But those won’t be my ultimate killer.  It’s the feeling of ’sien’.  I’m so so so so fuckingly sien right now.  With my life, with my job, with my surrounding, with everything.  Again, the alcohol and cigarette are doing me the favour every night as I indulge, for they help me to lose myself, to escape from all the sien-ness.

I really hope for some kind soul, or some kind of miracle to lift me up and out of this pit.  I’m doing my part too; sien of my job, i’m looking for a new job right now… sien of my surrounding, I’m doing cleaning to my room now and then…. sien of my life, oh fuck, only cigarette and alcohol can do the deed.

And just now, I just watch the part where Nick pictures that he’s dead and how he got autosyped.  It’s a perverse thing.

Now I’m not reveal what’s going to happen.  But the ending is equally compelling…

As to my life, it’s for your entertainment to read my blog here.  I hope you’ve enjoyed it so fair.  Don’t worry.  I’m not gonna leave.  I’ll still be around.  I’ll still be around.

How do strangers come here

Search engine is quite an amazing tool.  And here’s the list of keyword ppl used to come to this blog:

1) hungry ghost festival

2) “she gave me a blowjob”

3) girls being licked by dog

4) fucked by bottle

5) i love being fucked in the ass

6) culture of the ghost festival

7) ing pps

fucking

9) bitches in malaysia

So it’s pretty much confirmed, only perverts and those who believe in ghost come to my blog.

This is not a post, yet

Why am I here

When I get into certain mood, I really do get into it, and it’s a damn tiring thing. I was in a depress state once, and it’s a on-off thing. I was in the mood of being asshole too, but not right now.

Right now, I’m in the mood (again..) of wondering why am I here in blogosphere.

For those who follow this blog, you’ll know that once in a while, I question if I should leave this blog alone. I’ve even tried disappearing for about a month to do some self-reflecting, soul-searching, and all that. And now, I’m back in that state and wondering if I should move on, even though it’s not really my time yet. But it doesn’t mean I can’t plan ahead…

I’m back drinking quite a lot nowadays. That’s not really good. One reason for this is my current job. Working in Singapura is not all that fun to tell the truth. That is if you are not earning enough. And especially as a foreigner, companies will try to offer you lower-than-usual wages.

Now, back to ‘planning ahead’, I’m pretty much thinking of leaving the drinking and this blog when I manage to get another job which pay me much better than what I earn right now. One reason for leaving this blog is this question: why am I here?

What do I gain from blogging? The only thing I can think of is, it’s a place to rant. It’s not a place where I felt loved (except for you angel. ) It’s not a place where I gain popularity. It’s not a place where I can make more money (oh come’on, money is always in a guy’s mind…besides woman and power…) So I was thinking, I can rant elsewhere, like to real person, or to someone in MSN, or whatever. But why blog. So I’m searching now…

I dunno… should I stay, or should I leave blogosphere?

I really dunno.

And no… you don’t have be obliged to comment anything, but something would be nice.

Ok… I’m babbling away. Good night.

“Mai Hamm”

Record breaking

So, I’ve believe most Malaysian knows about this thing called Malaysian Book of Records, where it gave birth to all those wacky fanatics who have nothing better to do but organize all kinds of events to get into that book.  Malaysians are just obsessed with creating the biggest, the most, the largest, and all the -est.

But do you know that about 2 years back, Singapore has jumped on to this act?  Take a look here.

What makes me wonder is, Singapore Book of Record only started 2 years ago and they have already set up a website for easy access.  And when I google out Malaysian Book of Record, I only got a Cheras address.  Please lar Malaysia, we are in digital age, so get yourself updated lar…

But whatever it is, personally, I think record breaking is fun, especially if it involves a large community.  If I’m not wrong, there was this largest breastfeeding event in the Philippines.  Not fun ar?  All the quirky ideas that people can come up with, it’s just so interesting.  Human are just such interesting beings.

Hinduism

I should dedicate a post to Hinduism but the truth is, I know almost zero on this religion.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve nothing against it, just that I’ve never had the interest to learn more about Hinduism.  For that I’m sorry.

But I’m not gonna just stop there.  Anyone with any good opinion on this religion, do guest blog here?

I thank you in advance.

Button me!

I just realized that Mr. Dabido has buttoned me!

But here, can I ‘donate’ this instead:

It’s warped, just the way I like it…. LOL

Will anyone actually sane enough to make it into a real button and put in on their hat or bag or shirt?  I myself not that crazy to do so though…

The love of fucking and being fucked around

Let me describe my job.

I’m the middle person. Above me, there’s the client. Below me, there are suppliers and vendors. And if the project is much bigger, there are more layers at the client level, and there are even more layers below me. And I’ve not even taken into account of management teams appointed by the client, or external supplier/ vendor.

Client will have all sorts of demands, and some, in fact, almost all their demands can be very ridiculous. And people below me will have all sorts of reasons. In other words, client holds the trump card, coz they can complain to my boss, and the people below me, they just don’t care for they can just group together and leave, leaving me high and dry. I’m basically stuck in the middle.

Being fucked around, I have to screw everyone around as well; I have to make empty promises and smoke my client around. It’s a joyride that I don’t enjoy. Then I have to keep on pressing and keep on having argument with people below me. It’s a sex relationship with a girl with a whole collection of dildos, or it’s a sex orgy with a bunch of gay guys.

I hate it, but it’s the love of fucking and being fucked around. That’s the game.

And that takes up a lot of energy, physically and emotionally. And that’s why I’m starting looking for a new job coz my dick and ass is aching like shit, and yes, shit is flowing out of my loose ass…

Hungry Ghost Festival and Buddhism

I personally think it’s aptly to talk about Buddhism now.

I’m going to touch on a few things here.

Firstly, what has the Hungry Ghost Festival do with Buddhism? Simple- nothing. Hungry Ghost Festival, as I know it, is a Chinese culture, so it Mooncake Festival, Chap Goh Meh and all the praying done during Chinese New Year. And as far as I know, alot of people around me has a mixed idea on what’s considered Buddhism practice and what’s considered Chinese culture; my teachers used to think that when their students wrote ‘Buddhist’ as their religion, they automatically assume all these students observe all the prayings at temples come ’special’ dates, and all those ‘weird Chinese’ street processions, such as with participants carrying huge flags and so on. Heck! Even my own grandma says that she’s Buddhist because she goes to the temple to pray and lights up joss sticks every evening at our home altars. Let me set the record straight- alot of what Chinese ppl do, it’s Chinese culture, and not Buddhism. Chinese praying at their ancestral altars, that’s a Chinese culture. Praying to kitchen God, that’s a Chinese culture. Eating Yu Shang, that’s a Chinese culture…

So what’s Buddhism? Now my second point: I see Buddhism is a way of life. Buddhism lays out certain guidelines on how one should treat oneself, how one should treat other beings, including animals as well. It is often misunderstood that, when a Buddhist pray to a Buddha deity, he’s praying to Gautama Buddha. I personally think that that’s not the idea of praying in front of a Buddha deity; rather, it’s remembering his teaching on Buddhism. It’s the same concept when I wear this yellow stringy thing around my wrist- to remind me of the very core, the very basic concepts of Buddhism (what’s the basic concepts of Buddhism? go find out yourself…) It’s not meant to be a fashion statement. It’s not merely to tell ppl that I’m a Buddhist…

And to my 3rd point: what I’ve heard of others talking about Buddhism. Besides my teachers and my grandma, I’ve heard other comments related to Buddhism.

1) From a Christian friend: Buddhism and Hinduism… they are all nonsense.

- Like I’ve mentioned, alot of people rojak-ed up what’s considered Buddhism, and what’s considered culture.

2) From a fellow Buddhist: I’m a free-thinker.

- Buddhism consists of many very versatile ideas, so versatile that some people would pick-and-choose accordingly. Yes, at some level in Buddhism, that’s encouraged, but then again, some times, the greens are good for you; so you just cannot choose just the abalones and the sharkfins dishes. To approach those ideas, there are many ways- Theravada, Pure Land, Zen, Vajrayana and so on. Confused? Let’s put is this way: Let’s say, Buddhism is the idea of making a trip. To reach the destinations, there are many ways- fly, sail, by road, by rail and so on, and all those ways are the mode of transport. Got it?

3) From a so-called ex-Buddhist: I can’t go vegetarian, so I won’t accept Buddhism.

- Do you know that the Tibetian monks are not prohibited to eat meat? Again, there are many approach towards Buddhism. Going vegetarian has its benefits and Buddhism recognises that. But in the case of Tibetians, the harsh conditions are taken into consideration. And thus, their approach to Buddhism is conditioned accordingly.

Now… instead of answering doubts, I hope I have raised interest on Buddhism. Go on and search on wiki on this topic. One source that I recommend is this book by Thubten Chodron called “I Wonder Why”. This book gives a good look into Buddhism in a layman way, which is very approachable and easy-read, especially for those who want to learn more about Buddhism.

The kid and the old man

There’s this kid.  This kid is like Peter Pan, but unlike him who refuse to grow up, this kid won’t grow up.

This kid is intelligent, and naughty as well.  This kid knows how to get what he wants, and will wail and cry wolf and do anything to get things his way.

This kid is active, so active that he’s disowned by his parents.  But because this kid is so lovable, everyone grows to love him.

Love him everyone does, and love to hate him everyone does.

And there’s this old man.  He does not play knick knack, but when he does, he tries to get alot of attention.

This old man demands respects, coz he presume he’s wise.

And this old man is pretty much contented with his life.  He tries to learn sometimes, but when he fails, it’s okay with him.  And of course, this old man can come up with all sorts of reasons and stories and what-may-you to explain himself, and some times, it’s just amusing.

And in case you don’t know, I’m talking about two countries here.  Go figure.

I am

tired

and lazy right now…

Me, my housemate, and the lobsters

My housemate one night knocking on my room door: “Come! Come! There are baby lobsters!”

Me: “Huh?” My housemate led me to the aquarium.

My housemate: “See that?”

Me: “Where? What” “That…”

And I finally see some tiny creatures at the bottom of the aquarium.

“And the mother lobster still has many babies hanging at her back.  See that?”

“Oh! And I thought that was shit hanging behind that prawn.”

“It’s not a prawn.”

“So that bunch of grape-like stuff are babies?”

“Yes.  It was yellow colour, now, it’s translucent, with little black dots.”

“Can’t you just scrapped them off?”

“You know, like durian, you should let drop off naturally…”

“Prawns are not durians.  And you think if that mama will eat up its babies, like some animals do?”

“No lar… I don’t think so right?”

“I don’t know, they look quite small and yummy to the mom perhaps?”

“I’ll separate the mom when all the babies are off her back.”

 ”So what are you gonna do when the babies all grown up?  You don’t have enough space for them.”

“I’ll cook them.”

“Shit…”

“Why not?  If they are big enough, I’m sure they’ll have pretty enough meat.”

“Or maybe you should think about making chincalok.”

“Good idea…”

“Actually, when they are big enough, maybe what we can do is, take 3 of them up, lay them on a bowl of steamed rice, and put back in the steamer.  That would be so nice.”

“You have high imagination when comes to food huh?”

“And perhaps can put cheese on top and let that melt.  And we’ll need female ones with eggs.”

“You are counting the eggs too soon.”

“It’s not too soon to think.”

A few days later.

My housemate: “Shit! I think the mother eat up all its babies.”

Me: “Are you sure?” “I don’t see any crawling around.”

“Maybe they got sucked up the filter.”  I lifted the cover of the filter. “And there you go!” as I pointed to clumps of organic looking stuff.

“Holy shit!  Are they alive?”

“I don’t know.”

My housemate lifted some of the clumps and put them into the aquarium.  “Holy fuck! They are alived!”

“They are truly survivors.” “I think I’ll move the female out of the aquarium.”

“Where are you gonna put it?”

“Back with the male.”

“Good idea.  They can have hot sex again and you’ll have another bunch of prawns.”

“Do you know that lobsters mate violently?  I separated the female and the male because the female was losing its limbs.  At first I thought the other lobster was attacking it, but now I know that they were fucking, and the mating process is pretty deadly.”

“I’m lucky I’m not a prawn.”

As my housemate transfer the prawn, he said: “The water temperature in the two aquariums are different; the one the male is in is much colder.”

“Then the female’s breasts will shrink.”

“What?  Lobsters don’t have breast.”

“Holy cow.  Look at that! The male’s catching on to the female.”

“Yes, and they will be having violent sex again soon.”

“You can stay to look.  I’ll rather look at some real porn.”

A quick one

Just a quick one:

How do elephants have sex?  There’s just something gross about 2 fat blob having intercourse…

My worries, just like any other guys’

All guys generally worry about these few things:

1) Money – no need to say more, but guys worry about alot about this aspect.

2) Girls – Guys GET their worries from girls.

3) Career – This is the source of money, so all guys should worry about this.

4) Hair – This is the vanity thing that guys worry the most.  We guys may not say it, but the crown on our head is simply our precioussssss……

Guys don’t care about body odour, guys don’t care about pimple breaking out.  Guys don’t care about eyebrow being too thick.  And guys don’t care about fungal stuff growing at groin area or between our toes.  (Actually, guys do care about all those when they are too much too take, for example if the guy can actually smell his own bad body odour, or the itch is too much to take at the groin area)

But HAIR HAIR HAIR… no guys want to be bald.  Those guys who go for botak hairstyle, it’s a matter of choice.  They too, do not want to be bald.

Lately, I think I’ve been losing quite alot of hair and it’s bothering me quite a lot.  I decided to buy off-the-shelf hair tonic, and been applying it every night.  Perhaps it’s false hope coz all those tonic has yet to be proven to work, but at least I’m doing something.  If it gets too bad, I’ll consult a doctor…